I am not in a well (or a ditch or a pond or a river and so and so on… add as your fertile imagination permits you to!)here and hope same for you. I had a visit to Chennai this weekend. I am sorry that I have not been able to meet all of you who are located in Chennai, still, it was my pleasure to meet some of you. First I visited Pondy on Saturday and then spent my time collecting gifts ( Whopping 9 gifts I collected, including one bean bag, I don’t know whether I was looking like a SANTA CLAUSE or not but my friends abused me a lot for being victims of my social service, due to which, they had also to take pains !). Heat in Chennai is scorching now and as we found back those colorless buildings and ADYARAA/THIRUVANMIYURA/BEACHA etc, we became nostalgic. A guy who was trying to help us out by telling us way to Chennai, near GUINDI, in traditional Tamil attire and with some beard on his face asked us “HOW MUCH CHENNAI , How much?”, as if, it was to be sold at a rate per kg . This was funniest of all the moments this weekend.
As I visited Pondy I had myriads of Deja –Vus. I know it has been repeated often and again. They were particularly strong in impact this time, as if, a story was rolling forth and I was, like a witness, already aware of all the events and recalled them vividly. The peak of this tide of subconscious inkling was during one significant event: As we were visiting the ‘Boat House’ in Pondy, I felt as if it all has already been part of my cognizance. I told the same to some of my friends and I realize that they are already aware of queer musings of mine and hence paid no heed . It seemed as if I knew beforehand what all my friends who were accompanying me were going to say, do or perform but not in an ordinary way of knowing, rather at a deeper level of being . I knew that sitting beside me, one of the friends would say those particular things about our other friends and I knew my reactions in advance.
It was, as if I was watching a movie in which, my personality was playing only a part, a very tiny part indeed. Only thing which made it different from other movies was its strikingly vivid resemblance to the memory clouds! I wonder why it is so. I feel it has been more so since I started getting training in Chennai. It is still there.
As my friends were buying passes for the ‘Paradise Island’, I saw myself, witnessing them along with a lot of school boys and girls and a few more visitors. I recalled quite well that it has all been part of my recollections. As I witnessed that beach, boat in which we were to be taken to the Paradise Island and other visitors on boat, it seemed as if it was all a fixed match. You know, when match is ‘fixed’ you no longer remain a deliberate ‘doer’.
I find myself short of words while trying to put it all on paper ( Is it paper or the screen of my/your desktop??). It has really been eerie, though quite similar to earlier ones, still very intense. Soon, I became a witness, a spontaneous one and saw the screen on which characters were playing themselves. All explanations of such phenomenon are pastime of mind if you believe that everything is the cause of every other thing.
So, nothing was to be done on my behalf as records were playing themselves, or say, Karma was unfolding itself. Even minute dialogues between our friends seemed to be quite familiar to my memory in details, style, execution and timing. It seemed as if universe plays with itself and you are at the source of it all. As if, you are located at the very center of all potentialities and hence are aware of all the parallel universes together.
I apologize if I have made it way too complex and obfuscated but it is the best I can do. At Paradise Island too it was all the same. Being in an ecstasy beyond description, I was wondering on it all and chose to sit in a dazzled state of being instead of bathing at that sandful ( there is no word ‘sandful’) of beach for a handful of time.
[ This was written more than an year ago methinks!]